Cocaine Bear

You know, I am frequently thankful for being alive in this modern era of movies. I’ve seen Iron Man fight Thanos, Wonder Woman walking through a World War I battlefield, and Batman vs Superman, but you know what I haven’t seen? A bear on cocaine kill a whole bunch of people. Tonight, that omission from my movie-watching history has been rectified.

I don’t know what to say, man. This is definitely a movie. There is definitely a bear. It definitely gets high on cocaine. It eats people and maims people. The movie gets a little gory, and it’s pretty funny. And, in the end, it’s people who are the real villains. The real-life incident that this movie is based on didn’t cause the bear to get high–it killed it. Don’t do drugs, kids.

This movie is certainly a send-up to weird 80s movies. Not only is it set in the 80s, but it also just feels like it came from the decade in its pacing, presentation, and sense of humor. I’m not sure director Elizabeth Banks 100% nailed it, but she got awfully close, and I ain’t mad at it. I think if you aren’t of a certain age, though, you’re going to be thoroughly confused; maybe even bored by the strange pacing. I think some tighter edits could have benefited the movie, but at 1 hour and 35 minutes, it already respects your time more than most movies these days.

It certainly doesn’t lack for actors. Keri Russell and Ray Liotta (in his last role) are the bigger named stars in the lineup, but there’s also other familiar faces and all of them seem to be having a great time, even when having to act against what I presume is a CG bear. Unless they really coked up a bear. <checks internet> No, they did not do that. Thank goodness.

There’s not really much else to say. If you watched the trailer and thought to yourself “hey, that looks like the kinda movie I’d like” then you will like it. If you saw the trailer and thought “for the love of everything holy, who decided to make that into a movie?!” then it’s probably not for you. If you like shock gore and absurd humor, maybe you’ll like it. If you’re squeamish about seeing guts and tendons and blood, maybe skip it.

Overall, I enjoyed it, but I don’t think everyone will. You have to be from a certain era to really appreciate the aesthetic of it all. If you’re a mega-fan of Keri Russell, like me, then all the better. Watch it at your own risk and don’t blame me if you think it’s stupid. It is stupid. In a good way.

Rating: C-Tier
Should you watch it? If you were born in the 5-year period ending in like 1981, then maybe. If you like the trailer, then it’s up your alley, probably.
Should you take your kids? Please no. It’s gorier than most horror movies.
What you should watch first: Can’t think of any other drugged out animal movies that would be required viewing.